im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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