Whod you bang
I just threw up on my dentist
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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