we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize