I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize