I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
