Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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