At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
