Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dick very happy bro
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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