yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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