i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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