Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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