i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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