its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
