He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
