Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
