This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
