Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
