it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
