well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
