the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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