and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
