I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
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I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.