I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.