Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize