i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
