The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
