you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ketchup is God's man juice
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
