Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Someone came in the potted fern
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
