I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
