How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
