luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
