If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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