if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
