My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize