I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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