I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
