there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
