I feel like abortions should bother me more
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
