That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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