So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
