There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
