He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
