Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
