Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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