I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
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