I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
