he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
