every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The adults are the big ones right?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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