She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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