What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
