you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
