Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
