i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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