So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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