So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
