We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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