im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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