I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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