ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
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he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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