I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
