the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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