im about as happy as oj after his trial
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
