Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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