can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once