I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.