Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.