TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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