oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit