At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
