We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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