Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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