Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize